Relationship Advice Courtesy of Kim

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My girlfriend is planning on going to graduate school out of state. What can I do to make this long distance relationship work? -Nathan S.

First off, get yo’ ass in shape. A tight ass will make it last! Remember that you guys are living different lives and things become overwhelming. You don’t want to be part of that overwhelm. So if someone is busy and can’t talk, don’t take it the wrong way. You need to understand that unless you have a set phone date, you can’t expect them to drop everything when you call. Also talk about everything you are feeling… don’t text. People can read texts wrong, and that shit just causes problems.


I’m a social butterfly, but my boyfriend is a homebody and never wants to go out. Is there anyway to compromise or is this relationship doomed? -Devin G.

You should each get one night a week where you either go out and party together or Netflix and chill together. That way you are doing the things each other likes. Then, for the other days, if you want to go out and he wants to stay in, then go out and let him stay in. There is nothing worse than forcing someone to do something they aren’t into. Maybe the once-a-week-doing-what-the-other-is-into will introduce each of you to something you don’t realize you need. It might get you to slow down and enjoy quiet time with him, and, for him, it might get him out there to meet people and experience things he didn’t know he was into.


My boyfriend has a password on his phone and won’t tell me what it is. Should I be worried or should I trust him? -Jessica D.

Tell him to stop being a little bitch and give you the password. If he doesn’t give it to you, then he is hiding something. You shouldn’t hide anything from your significant other. The only thing I hide from Matt is his Christmas presents, and deep down inside I think he already knows what I’m getting him.


What’s the best way to let your crush know you’re into them? -Benjamin S.

Well depends… one, if you don’t know them, just walk up to them and say, “Hi my name is ______ and I thought you should know that.” Then you walk away. If they are into you, they will either follow you to continue the conversation or talk to you later. This works great at a bar. Before Matt, it was my go-to pick up method.


I’m a notoriously terrible gift giver. What would be a good Valentine’s Day gift to get my girlfriend this year? -Andrew W.

Hmm, see, I am actually a really great gift giver. If I am hanging out with someone and they mention being into a certain thing, I’ll remember that and then six months later, when it’s their bday or Christmas, I will track down said thing. But as for Valentine’s Day, that is hard. Matt and I don’t really celebrate those types of days. I mean, if I was your girlfriend, all I would want is some chocolate or Jelly Bellys (but I want that every day) and a good  (which I also want every day). I do get Matt cards or notes on non-holidays to let him know how awesome he is because he is really fucking awesome, and I don’t need a day to remind me of that!


When you guys don’t know what to have for dinner, how do you decide where you will eat? – Avery R.

Oh, man, this is the hardest fucking decision any couple has to make. The dreaded dinner question. Matt and I both have separate first picks. Mine is always sushi, and his is Mexican. Also a lot of the time I say, “I can’t decide, you just pick.” But if this is an issue and you both hate deciding, you should have one person pick and the next time the other has to pick. This also works with anything in life. A lot of decisions Matt and I make about the band (when we disagree) is decided by who picked last. That way each of you have a chance to do something you want and at least one of you is happy… and in turn, if you are in a good relationship that should make you both happy.


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